Do-Plan you travel with a 15 mins contingency as alighting a train requires some practise and a few hits and misses.
Don't-Wear high heels and get into the second class ladies compartment, get ready to hear some classy marathi abuses form koli women whose feet you might accidentally step on.
Don't-Eat vada pav wrapped in newspaper, in first class people will look down on you with a demeaning look and also the lead in the print is harmful for your health.
Do-Be alert while purchasing the ticket as the ticket-window guy may purposely not return your change or give you a torn note, just to teach you a lesson.
Don't-Enter the train with a huge laptop bag, or else be prepared to give apologising looks to fellow-passengers, or else you will be cursed to death.
Don't-Travel in a Virar local if you are getting down anywhere before Borivali, people will poke and pinch you...no jokes...rumour has it ladies stand at doors with needles!
Don't-Listen to music from your cellphone on loudspeaker inspite of the warning announcement, or else be prepared to shell out some cash.
Do- always appreciate the regular bhajan mandali gangs because they are singing devotional songs which presumably don't disturb anyone though they can be heard 2 compartments across.
Dont-Talk in immpecable english in a train fight, you will get to hear, 'aap foreign jao, english hamein bhi aata hein par faltu mein hum jhadte nahin'.
Dont-Keep your water bottle, in the side-pocket of the bag and try hauling it over the rack above, chances are the bottle will shoot into somebody's eye and you will be showered with curses and angry looks, and if by mistake it happens, don't offer the bottle with chilled water for respite.....
Don't- stare at women through the bars of the mens compartment and gesturing is a strict no-no as it can be misconstrued as being lewd and you could be arrested.
Do-Be careful if the fourth seat next to you is occupied by a fat lady chances are three-fouths of her butt will not fit in the 1 inch space and will end up on your lap.
Do-Be wary of sitting next to middle aged droolers, the rocking of the train reminds them of their craddle days and there they are more likely to end up drooling all over you.
Don't-Standing on the footboard is a no no if you are a lady apart from safety concerns there are perverts who hold their hand out to feel you as the train passes a station
Don't-Travel ticketless on andheri stn and try to give the nonchalant look, as the expert mind-reading ticket checker will swoop down on you from nowhere and you are caught red-handed and shamefaced.
Do-If you are a lady and in a hurry use your charm and ask the college-going guy in the line ahead to buy you ticket.
Don't-Buy gaudy looking pastries from the food-stalls on the platform, the more colourful they are the higher the chances of severe case of diarrhoea.
That's all for now, but the list continues.....
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